de, Kwelling
by Margarine Fly
Summary: My ending of 'The torment of others'. SPOILER ALERT! This story refers to a character death that took place in the fourth book. If you haven't read it you might get spoiled by reading this story !.. Please Read & Review


**RATING:** PG .. nothing too graphic but just in case.

**DISCLAIMER:** All characters belong to Val McDermid… I'm just borrowing them.

**NOTES:** This is how I would like the ending to be in 'the torment of others'. English is not my first language so I hope there aren't to many spelling mistakes. Please Read & Review!...

**SPOILER ALERT!** This story refers to a character death that took place in the fourth book. If you haven't read it you might get spoiled by reading this story !

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…"_what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"… _

"**de, Kwelling"  
(the torment of others)**

The last few weeks had been a baptism of fire for Carol. There had been several moments where Tony had feared that she wouldn't make it. But she had proven him wrong and for once he was glad that he was wrong. Brandon was at the end of his funeral oration. The salute of twenty-one cannon shots cracked over the graveyard. Carol turned her head and looked at Tony. They exchanged a little, almost invisible nod. It was incredible, Tony thought, how little we need to survive.

- -

After the ceremony he waited for her at the entrance of the cemetery. He gently pinched her elbow in a consoling effort and they silently followed the procession to Merricks grave. Carol went to stand beside her co-workers and tried a tired attempt at an encouraging smile. Kevin's' sad eyes looked at her a second and she felt a sting of pain cut through the centre of her heart. She closed her own eyes for a brief moment and then looked at Merricks' wife and sons. They sought comfort in each others' arms and cried… and for the millionth time today she felt guilty over the loss of one of her best police men.

The coffin with Don's body was let down in the grave and the persons present each threw a hand of dirt on the case… honouring him one last time. A lonely tear traced a silent path down Carols cheek when she threw a very last look on her colleague and good friend.

"Don Merrick, it was an honour working with you", she whispered in a hoarse voice, turning her gaze away once and for all from the man whose fight for justice had dramatically turned against him.

The after word was pronounced and little in black-clad groups left the scene. Carols' team walked a bit lost to the parking lot and for neither of them did the talking come easy. It was as if talking would make the whole situation definite… as if one word would seal the entire chapter of what was Don Merrick. Paula nodded to the group in a wordless goodbye and Kevin left with her. Stacy shook her head as well and silently left the premises. Tony felt it was time for another of his walks and Carol got in her car, releasing a shaky sigh. She dropped her head on the steering wheel and tried to ignore the throbbing in her head by massaging the bridge of her nose.

On automatic pilot she found the way to her and Tony's home. She felt relieved that she no longer had to camp out in Michaels guest room. She had appreciated the gesture from her brother to share a house while she was looking out for a place to rent. But she had been uncomfortable with the hostility she received from Lucy, Michaels girlfriend. Carol had felt like she had to walk on eggs every time she was in the same room with her.

Carol entered the house through her own entrance at the backyard and went straight for the bathroom. On the way over she grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass… A hot bath was the only thing that could comfort her right now. She turned on the taps and soon her body became one with the warm water. The essence of the bath foam mixed with the wine made her a bit light headed but she liked it. She finally allowed herself a moment of relaxation.

But as soon as she closed her eyes, images of the past few weeks attacked her mind. She felt the mistrust towards her superiors who had used and endangered her and she tasted the same stifling fear she had felt in that room in Germany. She knew that Paula had felt the same thing when she got raped and the feeling of failure overwhelmed Carol. She gulped for air and started shivering in the chilly water. She recognised the symptoms of shock and thought it wiser to come out of the tub and dry her off.

She heard Tony enter the house and she pulled on the first thing that was within her reach. It were her briefs and one of her brothers' shirts which loosely hung from her shoulders to just above her knee… She wanted to talk to Tony so she knocked on the adjoining door and a few seconds later, Tony opened it.

"Carol?", he said in an absent voice.

"Who else", she replied making Tony come back from wherever place his mind was wandering. "Can I come in?"

"Off course."

He held open the door for her and she sneaked past him in his living room. He tried not to notice the shirt she was wearing and even less the amount of bare legs it revealed. It was unlike Carol to be so boldly dressed when meeting him so he figured something was up.

"Are you all right?', he asked her, concern crossing his face.

"Fine.. I'm just a little cold", she shivered.

Tony looked at her pale face and placed a hand on her arm to guide her to the sofa.

"You're going into shock", he stated. "Sit down", he instructed while placing the blanket that rested on the armrest around her shoulders. I'll make you some tea.

Carol just nodded as he disappeared into the kitchen. Half a minute later he came out with two steaming mugs and a box of chocolates.

"Eat one", he advised her.

She didn't feel like contradicting and took one. She accepted her mug from him.

"Thanks', she said.

Both of them sat in silence while drinking their tea. Tony noticed the colour returning to her cheeks and asked her if she was feeling better?

"I am", she replied, knowing it was time for her to talk to him.

"I've let everyone down", she started in a toneless voice. "Paula, Don and the rest of the team." She averted his eyes and pulled the blanket tighter around her.

"You were under a lot of stress", Tony answered, while taking the mug out of her hand and placing it next to his on the table. He turned to face her.

"That's no excuse!" she shot back. "If I had felt like I wasn't up for the job I should've pulled back… Instead, I so desperately wanted to prove myself that I've put Paula in danger. I was supposed to cover her back, make sure nothing happened to her and I've let her down."

Tony could tell she was angry with herself.

"There's nothing wrong with you wanting to prove yourself", Tony calmly told her. "It was important for you in that stage of your dealing process that you thought you could be on top of the situation. You did all you could." He placed a hand on her shoulder and forced her to look at him.

"It's not your fault Carol, none of it is." He honestly told her.

She lowered her gaze again while speaking.

"And Don… it seemed just a random case.. I didn't suspect he'd get in trouble", she hoarsely said. "I underestimated it", she confessed. "I placed every available cop on Paula's case and let him work alone…" tears started forming in her eyes. "I should never have let him go on his own."

The overwhelming sense of failure washed over her again and this time she broke.

Tony hugged her to him and let her cry all the tears that had never come in the past months when they should have. She cried over her lost honour and lost friend. For the deceit, failures and horrors of the last weeks… But most of all, over her regret of shutting Tony out when she had needed him the most. Tony stroked her hair in a soothing motion and kept telling her she wasn't to blame. She cried until she had no tears left but refused to open her eyes. She felt exhausted and drained.

"You should get some rest", Tony whispered, as he brought her head up with his right hand and caressed Carols' cheek with the back of his index finger.

"I can't", she said in a voice that touched Tony's heart.

He knew she was afraid of what she might see when she'd fall a sleep.

"It's okay", he said. "I'll be right here".

He laid down on the couch and took her with him. He spooned up behind her as she rearranged the blanket so it covered both of them. He closed his eyes when he felt her turn over and look at him.

He opened them again and their gaze locked.

"I'm sorry I've shut you out." she whispered to him and she touched his chin.

"It's okay.", he told her. "I knew you had to work this one out on your own terms."

She looked at his mouth and then again at his eyes.

"Thanks", she said.

She moved forward and lightly kissed him on the lips. As she opened her eyes and came back up her lower lip gently grazed his upper lip and she felt a shiver run down her spine… but this time she was far from cold.

He opened his eyes and gently smiled at her. He then rested his chin on top of her head and they both fell a sleep.


End file.
